MOST UNUSUAL INTERVIEW EXPERIENCES

If you're looking for a job or looking to hire, you need a smile break. Here are memorable interview moments from Career Magazine:

• A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle.

• Candidate announced that her long-term goals were to replace the interviewer.

• Applicant said if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.

Unusual questions

What is it that you people do at this company?

Why aren't you in a more interesting business?

Why do you want references?

I know this is off the subject, but will you marry me?

Unusual statements

Once a week, I usually feel hot all over.

I am fascinated by fire.

I never get hungry.

I would have been more successful if nobody would have snitched on me.

I think I'm going to throw-up.

UNUSUAL INTERVIEWS II

No matter how badly your last job interview went, it probably wasn't this bad...

• Said he was so well-qualified [that] if he didn't get the job, it would prove that the company's management was incompetent.

• Stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application.

• Wouldn't get out of the chair until I would hire him. I had to call the police.

• Pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash picture of me. Said he collected photos of everyone who interviewed him.

• An applicant came in wearing only one shoe. She explained that the other shoe was stolen off her foot in the bus.

"Interviewees from Hell," NetScrap

http://www.netscrap.com/netscrap_detail.cfm?scrap_id=798

UNUSUAL INTERVIEWS III: THE APPLICANT'S STORY

If you think the candidates are a piece of work, have a look at the employers. Some stories from The New York Times:

• A candidate asked the guard at the front desk to call the HR representative she was to meet. The guard replied, "She's not in." Asked to elaborate, he gave a sidelong grin and pointed to a flyer on his bulletin board. There was a picture of the HR rep and the legend, "Do not, under any circumstances, allow this woman in the building."

• One interviewer asked questions while continually taking phone calls, doing stress-relief exercises and eating a tuna sandwich. At long last, he lay on the floor, pulled his knees to his chest and said, "I would like to convey to you that you are one of the front-runners. Are you interested?"

• A PR director for an insurance company brought a candidate into his office, closed the door, and told him, "I've been doing this for 13 years. I can't go on."

• A candidate interviewed for a position in a small company that reported directly to the president. "The woman who was interviewing me kept emphasizing what a difficult person the president could be, how he had trouble delegating, was not consistent in his management, played favorites, etc. Yet she had been with the company for quite a few years herself and worked directly for the president. When I asked her what had kept her there for so long, considering the difficulties of working for this person, she replied, 'I'm married to him.'"

The New York Times, May 3, 1998

http://www.nytimes.com/

RESUMES FROM THE ROUNDFILES

Time to give that resume a second once-over. Here are some doozies that got away:

"I demand a salary commiserate with my experience."

"Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."

"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."

"Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."

"I am loyal to my employer at all costs.... Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail."

"It's best for employers that I not work with people."

"The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."

"You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time."

"As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments."

Fortune, July 21, 1997

http://www.fortune.com/

(August 1997)

CANDID CANDIDATES

Interview moments from a survey by job-matching firm Caliper...
 

"What job am I applying for, anyway?"
 

"My resume might make it look like I'm a job hopper. But I want you to know that I never left any of those jobs voluntarily."
 

"Sorry for yawning. I usually sleep until my soap operas are on."
 

"I will definitely work harder for you than I did for my last employer."
 

"I don't think I'm capable of doing this job, but I sure would like the money."

"What Not To Say at Interviews," San Francisco Chronicle, 11/30/02
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2002/11/30/BU157096.DTL&type=business

(February 2003)

WHEEL IS TURNING, BUT THE HAMSTER IS DEAD

Quotes from "actual performance evaluations" and military appraisals:

"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."

"His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."

"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

"Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."

"A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

"He's so dense, light bends around him."

"Bright as Alaska in December."

"Donated his body to science before he was done using it."

"Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

"Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."

Wit and Wisdom from Torontojobsource.com. We were inspired to find Wit and Wisdom by a similar feature in Star Lawrence's newsletter, Cheap Relief (July 2002). See Star's site at http://www.sunoasis.com/webjean.html

(September 2002)

GURU HAIKU

Freelancers' revenge, collected by Guru.com...

Clients that demand.

They are often without sense.

Don't despair, charge more.

When all your clients

Have split personalities

May you invoice twice?

The salaried ask,

What's outside during the day?

It's the sun, the sun!!!

Guru's Haiku Archive, formerly at http://www.guru.com/articles/haiku_archive.jhtml

Guru is now Emoonlighter